A huge battle, i guess!

Sometimes the only persons opinion that matters is your own. And sometimes you have no choice but to give the heart what it wants. But then there's the fight between giving your heart what it wants or doing what your head knows it needs. and that is going to be a huge battle -- the fight inside of you.

The art of letting go (cervana)

Why do we have to part whilst love is still there? Why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to cry when someone bids goodbye? Why do beginnings have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?

There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, and poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, and promises left unfulfilled.

In a relationship, one of the hardest things to say is saying 'goodbye' and 'letting go'. It's as hard as breaking crystal, because you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than that, they who go will feel the parting, it is they who stay behind that suffer because they are left with memories of a love that was meant to be, a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the way love goes, that's the drama, the bitter, sweet and falling in love. After all, nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us knowing how, without us knowing where, without us knowing why. And we must forget not because we want to, but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrow comes not as a single spy but as a battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye, and every breath you take always remind you of that person. It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. It's funny how the whole world depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are billions of people on Earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.

I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkle with considerable space and time. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance only plays a part. Not all wishes come true. Not all stories end with 'and they lived happily ever after". Sometimes we have to part because of circumstances beyond our control. We have to suffer if it would mean happiness to others. We have to cry temporarily to let go of the pain. Every beginning has an end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we have to live up.

It's over. That person is long gone. But life has to go on, goodbye doesn't always mean forever. There will come a place and time where questions will finally be answered, words will be expressed, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled.

SOMEWHERE.

SOMEHOW.

SOMEDAY.

My Mr. Ex was not my THE ONE -- 2

And here I am single, fabulous, alluring, intense and super duper uber ready to rock and roll my great life. Now that the breakup behind me is setting in. As time goes by am starting to see just how wrong some things went. That when i was with him i did not feel really free. I was tending to almost all of his wants and needs that I've outgrown him but I was not sure and dint even realize not to let go until recently!

And all of that was because of love! Yeah boy! LOVE!!! Yeah let's admit it I still hella love him but there is no point anymore. I still hella care, but there is no point of showing it anymore.

Of course, just because i know in my heart that he was not the right one for me that doesn't mean am feeling totally footloose and fancy free right now. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, i still miss him like crazy. But am done hurting, am done letting myself experience that severe pain, unlimited disappointment and nonstop loss. And i know the recovery that i will go through wont be that fun but i will really work hard to be more comfortable about it so i can achieve that amazing future.

My Mr. Ex was not my THE ONE

I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL FAILURE AT LOVE.

That was the ugly tough love has taught me. And am stung about the idea. Im like nowhere near a creepy road to happily ever after of a fairytale.

Was that really what I wanted? Honestly, i hella don't know! What I know is Im no longer in survival mode from my huge break up with my Mr. Ex.-- I'm not really sure where this new destination is, but Mr. C is gone. So was the martyrdom and the soul crushing agony just to be with him. So there! SINGLE AGAIN! This has been my drama for the past few years now! And seriously am so hella tired of it.

Did i feel free? HELL YEAH! But with that freedom here comes the harsh truth. Without my breakup pain to keep me company, i feel a little lost. Empty. Alone. I actually miss missing my ex. Or let's say yeah! I still miss him. And that's not all. Im starting to feel like am a failure at love. After all, that break up was not my first break up with him. HA! Million times already. It was but one of my disastrous relationships throughout. It was like a show titled LOSER AT LOVE .... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! Nonstop!

Living alone. -- again
Im facing with the disappointment that Mr. C was not the one-- again

But thats the big fat fabulous truth that punched me in my face and smacked me upside my single and fabulous head!

Im now free to reinvent myself that i really have to begin. That I'm ready to rock my fabulous single life BIG TIME!

I, would date lots of wildly exciting and different men.

I, would live my life according to my own rules.

I, would take risks, ask for what i wanted, and trust that the world would take care of me.

I, would never, ever put myself in the position of crying over a wrong guy again

And that eventually I, would meet an exceptional exciting and annoyingly adorable man who would treat me like his princess and love me while we are creating a fairytale of our happily ever after journey.

But for now what i do know is that am somewhere between the pain and my happily ever after, and that i need to move away from the bittersweet truth that Mr. C was not THE ONE.p

AM I BEING TOO CHOOSY?

I know what I deserve, I know my standards and  and stuff. The thing is, I think I'm being too choosy when it comes to guys. AM I? I don't want to get hurt again and again and again or expect too much or idk. I just want a good love life. It's just.. I want a guy who will love me and treat me well. That’s not too much to ask right?  As you can see, I am really pressured by this.

Will I have a hard time by this?

Or I’m  getting mixed up between being "choosy" and "having standards". There's nothing wrong with not liking the guys that are into me - again, it just means that I won't go for just anyone and that I have standards. Maybe I know my standards and I  want a great love life that's why am so concerned.

Or maybe its not being picky at all, maybe it’s called not compromising my standards but on a second thought… I cant imagine myself being with another man. If  I could be with anyone, It’d would still be you and It’s not what I feel for you, It’s what I don’t feel for anyone but you.

EVERYTHING STILL BOILS DOWN TO HIM.

20 tough love reasons for why you don’t have a boyfriend:

1. You’re needy. You met him last weekend, he texted a few times, and now you just won’t leave the guy alone. You went from 0 to 60 in a few days. You’re already planning for next weekend. This is probably the #1 behavior that gets girls labeled psycho in the early days.

2. You like players. You say you want a nice guy, but you fall for the same lines again and again. You can’t resist the bad boys, the ones who have dumped on other women. You think that you will be different, that nabbing a player will validate your feminine powers. But the player always wins, because the player always walks.

3. You’re a princess. You want a man who will proclaim to the world that he is whipped as butter. He will worship the very ground you walk on. Trouble is, the only men who will happily inhabit a one-down position in a relationship have no balls. Do you really want a guy who will eagerly go to a bunch of chick flicks with you? Wouldn’t you rather accompany him to Transformers from time to time?

4. You flirt too much. Flirting is an essential skill in any woman’s toolkit. It is meant to indicate to a guy that you are singling him out for special attention because you are attracted to him. If you flirt like crazy with every Y chromosome you encounter, it loses its effectiveness, and makes you seem “not very choosy.” Also, if you are spending time with a guy but can’t stand the idea of hiding your light under a bushel, he is not going to appreciate your flirting with other men. It makes him look and feel less manly, and awakens unwelcome feelings of jealousy.

5. You’re not in the game. If you’re shy, reserved, or aloof, you are not approachable. Many beautiful women are ignored by guys because the odds of rejection are too high. You also telegraph likely rejection if you hold back. If you find a guy attractive, meet him halfway by signaling your interest with eye contact and a smile. If you know him, pay him some attention.

6. You’re too picky. You want a guy who is well-educated, financially successful, handsome, funny, witty, generous, blah blah blah. You want a 10. Get realistic. How about well-educated, funny and generous? Or handsome and witty, but a poet, i.e. broke? Perhaps financially successful, generous and fun to be with, but never went to college? Keep an open mind when you’re sizing up men. Allow yourself to find the good.

7. You’re a Girl Gone Wild. Stop dancing on tabletops when you’re drunk. In fact, stop getting drunk. Drunk is ugly. No one, male or female, ever became more attractive when they got drunk (beer goggles just fool you into thinking they did). When you are drunk, you say and do foolish things. Step away from the beer pong table. If you wouldn’t do it sober…then you really don’t want to do it at all.

8. You’re ditzy. I once knew a very smart woman who exclaimed at a frat party that she thought Mt. Rushmore was a natural phenomenon. I don’t know why some women love to get all girly and giggly. I suppose it makes them feel sexier, a la Marilyn Monroe. If you’re with a guy who wants his women stupid, you need a new guy. Lose the simpering act.

9. You’re a Mean Girl. Seriously, stop being a bitch. I’ve heard guys speak in awe (and fear) of mean girls, but Chuck Bass is the only guy I’ve ever seen who really wanted to love one, and he’s fictitious. Sometimes, guys want to get with mean girls because they’re powerful, but that relationship isn’t about love.

10. You’re high maintenance. You always feel slighted. He’s always saying and doing the wrong thing. Your feelings are constantly hurt, and he is constantly apologizing. Fighting all the time can be rewarding in the short-term, because it amps up the sexual tension for makeup sex, but ultimately it’s a total boner-killer.

11. You’re aggressive. You act like one of the guys. You pursue, make moves, call the shots. You say that you’re a liberated woman, so you can grab whatever cock grabs your fancy. That will get you laid, but try to remember that it’s the male of the species that got the big dose of testosterone. That male is biologically programmed to seek his complementary opposite – which includes a much larger dose of estrogen. You can be strong, independent, and very, very female.

12. You’re self-absorbed. You talk about yourself all the time. You talk about your ex all the time. You cry on his shoulder all the time when you don’t get what you want. You’re not really giving. You’re not emotionally engaged in a caring and generous way. If you’re not curious about him; if you are not hungry for details about who he is and what he’s into, then maybe he’s the wrong guy. Or maybe you’re the wrong girl.

13. You’re a homebody. You’re not out there meeting new people every day. You are not going through each day looking to interact with and smile at attractive and approachable people. And by the way, get off the cell phone. The adorable guy behind you in line at Starbucks can’t say hi if you’re on your phone, plus he’s hearing you sound like a complete idiot with your BFF.

14. You’re too hard to get. Yes, everyone likes a challenge. No one likes eager or desperate. But employing “The Rules” or some other silly tactic is just going to leave you solo. If he asks you out spontaneously for tonight, that’s a real invitation. If you are interested, accept. A guy’s suggesting a plan on the spur of the moment is not him treating you badly. It’s him expressing an interest in spending time with you. (Obviously, do the opposite of what I say here if it’s a booty call situation.)

15. Your number is too high. OK, fine, you don’t want any guy who cares about how many people you’ve slept with. Problem is….that’s most guys. You don’t have to tell anyone your personal data. Just be aware that when you’re making the rounds within a certain community or group of friends, word gets out fast. I don’t think there has ever, ever been a guy who got laid and didn’t tell anyone about it afterwards. If your number is high and that fact is well known, you have every right to find a new pack of males and revirginate reinvent yourself.

16. You’re flaky. A plan is a commitment. Don’t blow someone off when something better comes along. Don’t ditch him because your friend “really needs you.” Don’t double book yourself. Don’t be late. Don’t get drunk and not show. Women constantly complain that men aren’t reliable, but I’ve seen plenty of women flake out on guys.

17. You’re materialistic. You know what? The best dates are cheap dates. In fact, I think the best dates I ever had were actually free dates. Cooking together. Hanging out. Taking a long walk. I met my husband in graduate school, and he was dead broke. He was paying his own way and had very little money. We’d only been together a month or so when my birthday rolled around. He gave me very inexpensive fun earrings, but what I remember is the card he made. All it said on it was: Head Over Heels. That was the best birthday gift ever.

18. You’re scared. You’ve been burned before. You are understandably wary. This leads you to be withholding. He puts it out there, lays it on the line, and you just can’t reciprocate. You really like him, but you just don’t want to get hurt again. This means he knows up front that he will be the one to get hurt. No guy will stick around to watch that happen. You’ve got to find a way forward. There is no love for any of us without considerable risk, so do what you need to do to work through it.

19. You’re rigid. You have plans for Saturday night, but his buddies are going to a game that night, would Friday be OK? You say, “No, you made plans with me first. And Saturday is date night.” He picks you up and mentions that one of his friends and his gf will be joining the two of you for dinner, if that’s OK. It’s not. You’re miffed that you two won’t be having a night alone. He wants to go to the party, you don’t. You grudgingly agree to go and stay for an hour. After an hour, you want to leave, he’s having a great time. You let him know that an hour’s up and it’s time to leave RIGHT NOW. Being rigid is largely about asserting control. That’s never a winning relationship tactic.

20. You’re a pushover. You put up with all kinds of crap. You allow yourself to be booty called and stood up. You allow him to tease you in a not-affectionate way (comments about your weight come to mind). You allow him to pick fights, and then forgive him for flirting or hooking up with another girl in the two hours you were broken up. If you do not respect yourself, he certainly isn’t going to respect you, and your value in his eyes will tank.

“Full disclosure? I’ve been guilty of at least six of these relationship killers, possibly all at the same time. Most of us can relate to at least a couple of them. If you can’t, ask a close friend to give you an honest assessment.

What I have found in my own life is that becoming aware of my behavior allows me to look at it objectively, and to begin to change, or even just “tweak” it.

Try a new approach, and see what happens. Can’t hurt!”

--SUSAN WALSH

SERIOUSLY THOUGH.

ONE DAY…

IT’S UP TO YOU…

Which is Which?

TOO CONFUSING…

 

SHOULD I CONSIDER THIS MINE? NO! HAHA!

xoxo

STATUS: *IT'S COMPLICATED*

I always struggle with my emotions for him. Perhaps others have suggested to call me “crazy” for still loving him. But I do not think am crazy. I think am having normal emotions and feelings that make a lot of sense, given in my situation. It has been months since the breakup. We broke up due to a lot of misunderstandings, miscommunications, constant fighting, and a lot of it was caused by me, i will admit that. Although no cheating was involved, I felt like it was "emotional abuse", to the point where we had to break it off. Then lately I went through begging and bargaining because i still love him that much, that obviously didn't work. He cried and said its hurting him. He was scared of losing me. He was so confused yet he needs to do this because of this and that--it was too toxic.

I think I need to take some time off and start seeing things from another perspective--seeing why our relationship was weighing us down instead of supporting our lives. It was immature, selfish, and insensitive to the both of our feelings, due to the assumptions and pride.I sincerely feel bad, but I think he's determined as to what is making him happy right now. Am hurting for so long now. But he has to do what's right by him, because he's the one that has to live with himself by the end of the day. All the bad was outweighing the good and it hurts so much. 

It's hurtful, but it is also alleviating that the hope in me needs to be killed. Knowing that he still loves me that much but he is no longer in love with me--maybe a confirmation am yearning for. I found out things that hurt me more because I snooped and that was wrong of me. I came to terms with the fact that things were completely over between us.Pain has come to pierce my heart. I think about, yes i can detach, but he will forget about me too. and I'm not sure if I want him to forget me yet. The irony isn't lost in me, though. I do realize it isn't under my control, but damn it hurts. 

I can barely remember how it is to be around in his arms or what he smells like. The more he fades, the more my consciousness clings and crave onto him. It's like, I want to let go, but I am not sure that I'm ready to have him entirely removed from my life, although that's probably much better for me. What is going on?

Now, I also can't care less for his happiness. He seems to be immensely happy. It slaps me in the face because I constantly think about him remembering how I waited forever and cried myself to bed. I can't blame him, but I feel betrayed and angered that he let me as well.

My friends are telling me to look for a new boyfriend, but no. I have to learn how to be happy alone and to completely get over my ex before I can jump into another relationship. So here I am angered, I am scared, betrayed, confused, and hopeless. 

I thought that I accepted the break-up, and I DO still see that we'd not work out together at the time, but I'm also conflicted. I really don't want to be with anyone else but him. I don't even know what stage of grieving I am at. It just all seems like a hell but i have to face the fact that there is no more us. 

Maybe the fact that I am loving him is not a shortcoming in me. Maybe am probably a compassionate person capable of commitment. Maybe this is a good thing.

Love is not an emotion that can easily be turned off. I have been in this relationship for a long time with him and have loved him for many years, I will not likely lose those emotions over night. 

Still I wish him happiness. He's gone and I need to accept it. 

The Dance of LOVE VS HATE?

Why does love have to hurt and why does hate have so much more positive sides to it than love… for what is love but nothing more than pain we let ourselves go through over and over again... love comes with fighting, heartbreaks, worry  and even leads to hate while hate stays hate and there's no pain or heartbreak cause you never allow there to be so tell me what do u think is better love or hate???

But I learned that love is the greatest thing on earth. Greatest feeling a human could ever experience and greatest gift you could give.  I learned that love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more. I learned that love is a glimpse of heaven.

I Believe in Miracles

 

            

It Was Not That Hard.

Before the third term started I was really busy processing some documents. I went to the Commission on Elections office, NBI office, NSO and DFA and somehow I was pretty amazed with the very fast processes they conducted.  Its actually my first time to process my own documents and based on some articles that I read some processes of these government units really suck but with my experience, everything went well and the flow was indeed smooth.
I think Filipinos now are ore becoming more disciplined and government employees are now practicing “good customer service”. Maybe these simple things are somehow contributing into why our economy is rising.
Oh well, good job to our government employees and of course to the Filipinos who are learning how to follow rules already.
And just to give you guys a reminder if you are planning to process your own documents as well… BE EARLY!

SNAIL PHASE

 

                                          

One objective of simplifying your life is to free up time and energy so you can focus these on more important things. Simplifying does not necessarily equate to slowing down your life.  Slowing down is something that must be done as consciously as weeding out the unnecessary stuff.

Here are 5 Good Suggestions to help you slow down:

1) Sit down for meals.    I too am guilty of occasionally eating over the sink-or worse - in the light cast by an open refrigerator door.   This not good for your soul.    Scarfing down food is NOT good for your body.   Take a slower approach.  Set the table.  Chew your food.  Enjoy the flavors.

2) Modify your Morning Routine so you aren't rushing out the door.   Get up 15 minutes earlier and just sit with a hot beverage and your happy thoughts.   Organize as much of the daily preparations as you can the night before- clothes, lunch, breakfast etc.

3) Drive the Speed Limit.   You'll get better gas mileage and you will be least likely to have an accident.   Make zen-like focus your habit when you are in the car.   There is no more important place to be fully present!  Give yourself plenty of time to get there.   If by chance you are late...make a courtesy call your solution; not speed!

4) Take Breaks.   You should not sit at your desk for longer than an hour at a time.   Set your calendar to send you notices each hour to take a break.   Use this time to stretch, use the bathroom, refill your beverage, take a little walk, or simply refocus your eyes.

5) Leave yourself sticky note reminders to slow down.   A few key places to stick these:  on your steering wheel; in a calendar notice (so it pops up on your computer screen); on the bathroom mirror; on the fridge

(REBLOG. credit to My Self Care Blog)

CHTM Enrollment

Being an international student is somewhat hard because you are not a priority specially when it comes to enrollments.
We just had our enrollment last 7th of January till the 14th. So on the 11th I went to school to enroll and I was pretty amazed with the outcome. I went really early because I was expecting for a lot of students that will enroll and of course that will cause a very long line but there was really changes that happened. I thought the pre-enrollment was really effective its just weird for an international student to undergo a pre-enrollment process.
I just went to a certain room to get my enrollment folder which was kept by the department. Inside the folder, my grades were attached already, I just updated my course syllabus and got an admission slip from the assigned instructor and went straight to the encoding area to confirm with the subjects and schedule that they already fixed for me the went straight to the cashier and paid, next spot was library for I.D validation and printing of the subjects enrolled and schedule then tadaaaah!!! done!
The pre-enrollment was really a thumbs up and am looking forward for a better enrollment process in the future as well.
5 stars for CHTM of University of the Cordilleras.

FIRST BEACH ENCOUNTER FOR 2013

Me and my friends planned to go to the beach just to relax, a short get-away from the reality, to get some fresh air and of course to catch up with each other after a very long holiday break. Unfortunately only one of my friends made it but still we continued the plan maybe because we were hungry to to have our first beach experience for 2013 and of course we did not regret it. 

Sea Park Beach Resort

San Fernando La Union

Playing with the sunset was our favorite.

And of course this wont be complete without MORE pictures of us! =)

silently cursing PJ and Sarah for not coming

duck faces

Tara's Jump Shot. lol

Emo mode

Till our next beach encounter. END