And here I am single, fabulous, alluring, intense and super duper uber ready to rock and roll my great life. Now that the breakup behind me is setting in. As time goes by am starting to see just how wrong some things went. That when i was with him i did not feel really free. I was tending to almost all of his wants and needs that I've outgrown him but I was not sure and dint even realize not to let go until recently!
And all of that was because of love! Yeah boy! LOVE!!! Yeah let's admit it I still hella love him but there is no point anymore. I still hella care, but there is no point of showing it anymore.
Of course, just because i know in my heart that he was not the right one for me that doesn't mean am feeling totally footloose and fancy free right now. In fact, as crazy as it sounds, i still miss him like crazy. But am done hurting, am done letting myself experience that severe pain, unlimited disappointment and nonstop loss. And i know the recovery that i will go through wont be that fun but i will really work hard to be more comfortable about it so i can achieve that amazing future.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
My Mr. Ex was not my THE ONE
I FEEL LIKE A TOTAL FAILURE AT LOVE.
That was the ugly tough love has taught me. And am stung about the idea. Im like nowhere near a creepy road to happily ever after of a fairytale.
Was that really what I wanted? Honestly, i hella don't know! What I know is Im no longer in survival mode from my huge break up with my Mr. Ex.-- I'm not really sure where this new destination is, but Mr. C is gone. So was the martyrdom and the soul crushing agony just to be with him. So there! SINGLE AGAIN! This has been my drama for the past few years now! And seriously am so hella tired of it.
Did i feel free? HELL YEAH! But with that freedom here comes the harsh truth. Without my breakup pain to keep me company, i feel a little lost. Empty. Alone. I actually miss missing my ex. Or let's say yeah! I still miss him. And that's not all. Im starting to feel like am a failure at love. After all, that break up was not my first break up with him. HA! Million times already. It was but one of my disastrous relationships throughout. It was like a show titled LOSER AT LOVE .... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! Nonstop!
Living alone. -- again
Im facing with the disappointment that Mr. C was not the one-- again
But thats the big fat fabulous truth that punched me in my face and smacked me upside my single and fabulous head!
Im now free to reinvent myself that i really have to begin. That I'm ready to rock my fabulous single life BIG TIME!
I, would date lots of wildly exciting and different men.
I, would live my life according to my own rules.
I, would take risks, ask for what i wanted, and trust that the world would take care of me.
I, would never, ever put myself in the position of crying over a wrong guy again
And that eventually I, would meet an exceptional exciting and annoyingly adorable man who would treat me like his princess and love me while we are creating a fairytale of our happily ever after journey.
But for now what i do know is that am somewhere between the pain and my happily ever after, and that i need to move away from the bittersweet truth that Mr. C was not THE ONE.p
That was the ugly tough love has taught me. And am stung about the idea. Im like nowhere near a creepy road to happily ever after of a fairytale.
Was that really what I wanted? Honestly, i hella don't know! What I know is Im no longer in survival mode from my huge break up with my Mr. Ex.-- I'm not really sure where this new destination is, but Mr. C is gone. So was the martyrdom and the soul crushing agony just to be with him. So there! SINGLE AGAIN! This has been my drama for the past few years now! And seriously am so hella tired of it.
Did i feel free? HELL YEAH! But with that freedom here comes the harsh truth. Without my breakup pain to keep me company, i feel a little lost. Empty. Alone. I actually miss missing my ex. Or let's say yeah! I still miss him. And that's not all. Im starting to feel like am a failure at love. After all, that break up was not my first break up with him. HA! Million times already. It was but one of my disastrous relationships throughout. It was like a show titled LOSER AT LOVE .... AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! Nonstop!
Living alone. -- again
Im facing with the disappointment that Mr. C was not the one-- again
But thats the big fat fabulous truth that punched me in my face and smacked me upside my single and fabulous head!
Im now free to reinvent myself that i really have to begin. That I'm ready to rock my fabulous single life BIG TIME!
I, would date lots of wildly exciting and different men.
I, would live my life according to my own rules.
I, would take risks, ask for what i wanted, and trust that the world would take care of me.
I, would never, ever put myself in the position of crying over a wrong guy again
And that eventually I, would meet an exceptional exciting and annoyingly adorable man who would treat me like his princess and love me while we are creating a fairytale of our happily ever after journey.
But for now what i do know is that am somewhere between the pain and my happily ever after, and that i need to move away from the bittersweet truth that Mr. C was not THE ONE.p
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